in_the_bottle (in_the_bottle) wrote in tw_flashfic,

Groundhog Day - Idiot's Guide to Temporal Phenomenon by in_the_bottle

Title: Idiot's Guide to Temporal Phenomenon
Author: in_the_bottle
Rating: NC-17
Summary: Groundhog Day at Torchwood 3.
Notes: Many thanks to slashybits and out_there for their read through and laughs. Makes me feel better that I wasn't the only one who found certain things in the fic funny. Especially to out_there for the help on the smutty bits. ::hugs!!::
Disclaimers: Not mine, no money, don't sue!
SPOILERS: Season 2
Feedback: Hell, yeah!

Ianto glared at Owen. "Can you stop sabotaging Tosh's program? And while you're at it, leave Gwen's notes alone."

"Why? It's not as though they'll remember it."

"I'd rather you spend the time trying to figure out how to turn this thing off."

"It's been four days, and by my count, it's technically Saturday. I'm taking a weekend break."

"Since when has Torchwood been a 9 to 5 Monday to Friday type of job?"

", I guess."

Ianto had to resist banging his head against his desk in frustration.

* * *

"No, sir. Mr. Prime Minister, we had a situation with our computers earlier, and the pterodactyl ate the printed version."


"Yes, sir. The pterodactyl ate the report."


"Yes, sir, I am serious."


"That's what we initially thought, too, sir."


"We will email you the report as soon as we get the computers up again, sir. Thank you."

* * *

Tosh had been smiling non-stop the entire day, giving shy looks to Owen whenever she thought no one was looking.

Ianto looked at the vase of red roses on her desk. The note that was delivered with it had been carefully tucked into Tosh's purse after she read it.

"Why couldn't you be nice to her when she could remember it?"

Owen shrugged. "I'm dead. Can't give her anything she needs."

Ianto and Owen continued examining the blinking cylindrical alien device, trying to figure out a way to turn it off. The fact that they couldn't keep any records of what they have done before meant they have to memorise each step, which meant the process was a long and tedious one.

"You might be surprised." Ianto replied, and they went back to work.

* * *


"Get it yourself."

"I'm sorry?"

"Coffee, that's what you want isn't it, Gwen? Get it yourself."

"Are you all right?"

Ianto stared at her. "I'm an archivist, not a barista."


Not even Owen bothered him that day, and they still couldn't figure out how to turn the damn timelooping device off.

* * *

"Guys, what are you doing?" Gwen's voice came over their earpieces, they both ignored it.

"You sure this is a good idea?" Ianto looked at the Terokian stun gun in Owen's hand. They were standing at the end of the pier; a crowd of fishermen were gathered around them

"Live a little, Ianto. How often do we get a chance like this?"

"Good point."

"Right then, ready?"

"As I'll ever be."

"On three. One. Two. Three!" Owen fired the gun into the water. When the fish started hopping up from the sea, Ianto started scooping as many as he could with the net.

"Oh yeah!" Owen cheered and Ianto couldn't help but laugh, with the crowd clapping behind them.

* * *

Owen had taken the girls out for lunch, leaving Ianto and Jack alone at the Hub.

Somehow, the quickie Ianto had in mind had turned into something else entirely. They were in Jack's quarters, Jack on his back with Ianto slowly exploring every inch of his Captain's body.

"Ianto." A soft sigh that sent shivers down Ianto's spine.

Ianto retrieved the lube that had fallen to the floor and carefully prepared Jack. Ianto closed his eyes as the sensation of pushing inside Jack nearly overwhelmed him.

Indulgent and luxurious; so different to their normal frantic trysts. Smouldering liquid heat burned through him, fed on the warmth of skin against skin, growing to the point where Ianto felt like he was melting into Jack.

"Don't leave," Ianto heard himself saying. "Please don't leave again."

He felt Jack tugging him down, pulling him into a tender kiss that he knew Jack wouldn't remember.

* * *

Mermaid Quay was like a scene straight out of some end of the world apocalyptic movie. People running around screaming and tripping over each other as they tried to get away from the pre-historic creature now in their midst.

The pterodactyl, on the other hand, seemed to be having the time of her life. Swooping down to scare the people before flying back up again.

In an underground secret base beneath the shops and restaurants, Ianto was dividing his attention between glaring at Owen and watching the CCTV in fascination.

"It wasn't like I did it on purpose."

"Frankly, Owen, I don't think even you believe that."

* * *

"No, sir. I really couldn't care less what the Prime Minister's office has to say on the topic."


"With all due respect, sir. No, actually, with absolutely no respect at all, Downing Street can go fuck itself."


* * *

While Ianto understood the frustration Owen was feeling, the idea he came up with was frankly, rather stupid. "No."

"Why not? We've tried everything!"

"Have you actually thought about what you're suggesting? What if destroying it means we're stuck forever, living this day over and over and over again until the end of time?"

"Destroying those gloves worked!"

"In case you haven't noticed, Owen, this isn't a glove!"

"Oh, sod it!" Owen ignored Ianto and proceeded to shoot the cylindrical device.

A flash of now familiar brightness blinded Ianto, and when he opened his eyes again, he was back in the tourist information office, back against a wall and Jack's tongue in his mouth.

Back to square one then.

Tosh was going to walk in on them in 2 minutes and 7 seconds, but Ianto decided that this loop, he wasn't going to care about anything at all.

* * *

Owen stared at Ianto, mouth open in shock, while the rest of the team was frozen where they were standing.

"You stabbed me."

"That was for shooting the device."

"It's not like it was damaged! You stabbed me!"

"It's not like you can feel it. Besides, it'll be gone in a few minutes."

"What are the two of you on about?!" Gwen shouted at them.

They ignored her.

"You don't know that! I've got enough trouble with the broken finger as it is, I really don't need this!"

Ianto rolled his eyes. "The device is still here after you shot it in the last loop. I'm pretty sure that little flesh wound would be gone in the next loop."

The familiar white flare washed away any response Owen might have uttered.

* * *

Tosh and Gwen's yells could be heard reverberating through the Hub.

"The entire Torchwood archive has been made public!" They could hear Tosh's frantic typing, trying to contain the information leaked.

"UNIT's on the phone demanding answers." Gwen was trying to help Tosh, while Jack stood calmly in the middle of it all.

On the couch...

"Trade your sodoku for the crossword?"

Ianto and Owen exchanged papers.

* * *

"This is your fault to begin with," Ianto said, watching as Owen banged the device on the autopsy table.

"And how do you figure that," Owen retorted.

"If you hadn't started pressing random buttons in the first place, none of this would've happened!"

"It was just sitting there and no one said anything about not touching it!" Owen yelled back at Ianto.

"Right, and you've only started working here yesterday? Since when is poking at random alien devices a good idea?"


"WHAT?" Ianto and Owen both turned to see Jack looking down at them from the top of the steps of the medical bay.

"Give that to me." Jack held his hand out, walking down towards them.

Ianto passed the cylinder to Jack without a word. In about 3 and a half minutes, the day was going to reset itself, again.

"Kendarii technology. Work of art, really." Jack said conversationally, pressing seemingly random buttons in quick succession. The device let out a hiss and a compartment revealed itself at the top of the cylinder, revealing two more buttons. "They were one of the first races to discover ways to manipulate time." Jack pressed one of the buttons, and the lights stopped blinking.

Silence, as Ianto and Owen stared at Jack. They turned to look at each other before focusing their attention back on Jack once more.

Jack smirked.

"You knew?" They both demanded at the same time.

"Wanted to see how long it'll take you both to figure it out."

"Why weren't you affected?" Ianto asked.

Jack shrugged. "After you get stuck in a few of these, you developed an immunity to it. Or maybe I'm just special."

"You're a complete, utter bastard, you know that?" Owen glared at Jack before stalking up the stairs and towards the exit. "I'm going home, and if I have to start another day getting sprayed by some out of control water sprinkler, I'm going to kill someone."

"So that's why you kept coming in wet," Ianto muttered.

Jack laughed. "Take the next couple of days off." He called out to Owen before looking at Ianto, still standing in the middle of the medical bay, the amusement on Jack's face slowly replaced by something else.

"How long?" Ianto asked, since he had stopped counting after the 50th loop.

"Almost four months."

"I see." Ianto wasn't looking at Jack.


"I think I'm going to go home." But before Ianto can make his escape, Jack caught him by the arm. Ianto looked up into Jack's eyes, his breath hitched at what he saw.

"Not going anywhere." Jack said softly.

Ianto nodded, not trusting himself to speak.

A soft, chaste kiss on his lips, and Jack released his arm. "Go home. Get some rest. I'll drop by later?"


Ianto paused at the top of the stairs. Turning back, he watched Jack tossed the Kendarii device in the air and catch it again, a thoughtful expression on his face. "Jack?"


"I'm going to miss starting the day with your tongue down my throat."

Ianto smiled, still hearing Jack's laughter when the iron door rolled closed behind him.

The End.
Tags: groundhog day

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